Psychologist Buries Patients Alive for Therapeutic Purposes.

                    Have you ever gone to your doctor complaining of a coughin’ spell and he or she recommended a coffin spell? Do you get a little nervous when your doctor asks if your medical insurance covers shovels? Have you ever seen your family physician’s picture in an ad under the name ‘Doctor Feeldead’? Then you must be one of the lucky patients of Dr. Andrey Zhelvetro, an alleged psychologist in Kiev, Ukraine, who was caught burying his patients alive in the name of therapy. If this is the plot of a movie, it’s already better than “Buried Alive.”

                 You had us at “when I got out of the coffin.” That’s a quote from what appears to be a satisfied patient of Andrey Zhelvetro, but it could just as easily have been Dr. Mort Tishan himself.

                 The Mirror shows a cheesy video (see it here) of a handsome, normal-looking guy lying in a coffin in a grave before the lid is closed and dirt eventually covers everything but the airpipe which saves Dr. X. Spired from having his patients sign a death waiver. While this could be advertised as a discount sensory deprivation tank, it doesn’t involve any floating … unless the breathing tube gets titled up during a rainstorm.

              Zhelvetro appears to have been offering his underground therapy under the radar until something caused him to abandon 12 caskets next to 12 graves in a Kiev forest. Zhelvetro is obviously well-known in the area because the cops quickly found the coffinator. However, they couldn’t charge the crypt counselor because no one would testify that they didn’t get buried alive voluntarily and, like the guy who felt like “a new person,” appeared to have no complaints. Well, no one actually died. That’s a pretty low bar for success. No corpse, no crime … no charge.

              Would you let a therapist bury you alive in the name of treatment? Desperate people are willing to take desperate measures. If you don’t suffer from taphephobia – fear of being buried alive – what harm is there in spending a couple of hours in a warm, dark place without any cellphones?

             Unfortunately, the only source of information on Dr. Two Hour Doom appears to be The Mirror and its sister tabloids – no accounts from Ukraine despite many searches nor any type of medical or psychologist endorsements … or warnings. However, it seems to be a bad sign that Zhelvetro just left the empty coffins and graves in the forest. Caveat cadaver? (Let the corpse beware.)